My littlest grand-baby is going to be six years old this Friday. At age five and kindergarten, I still think of her as a baby. At age six, I don't think I get to do that anymore. She is the last of the babies in my family. Though I love seeing my grand-babies grow up, I will miss all their little baby ways.
I had hoped to knock out a big chunk of the book "Frankenstein" on Sunday afternoon/evening. I curled up on the couch under my blanket and afghan. I started out sitting upright, but somehow slid way down. I ended up with two naps! I made it all the way to Chapter IV, page 34! Impressive, NOT! How will I ever finish six novels (and write essays) for this semester for this class? I have to read for another class, too! And the third class I don't have to read novels, but I do have a huge textbook to get through. I think I will have to sit up in an uncomfortable chair without a soft cover; otherwise, I'll never finish even the first book.
I sometimes question my motives for working on finishing my baccalaureate degree at this time in my life. I had taken several turns in my life which led me far from achieving such a goal. I finally reached a point where I thought there is always going to be something leading me in new directions; I was getting old enough that it became a point of "now or never." I decided NOW.
If I inherit the longevity of Grandpa, I could live to be 94! Well, if so, then I have another half of a lifetime for learning and working. So, why not do something I love and that I can do from home or anywhere? Why not reach for new heights? A good friend often said that if you stop learning, then you are dead. So, I think I'll keep learning.
I also had a drive to prove to myself and a specific someone who made me believe that I am the "dumbest person he knows on earth" that I am intelligent. I do have value. I have merit. My life is meaningful. I had to prove I can do it. Sure, I've had some snags along the way. There have been some trials, stress, worry over many other things . . . but, I haven't given up yet. I feel like it sometimes; but, wonderful encouraging remarks and comments from instructors bolster me. I am shocked when they say that they love the way I think, or that I am astute. Me? Have they confused me with some other student? I love those A's, too! Such a small reward that has such power. (I have a higher power in my life; please don't think that I am disregarding that.)
The hardest part of this journey is believing in myself. I grow weary of significant people in my life who feel they are "helping" me by shooting me down in my tracks. You know what I mean, "constructive criticism." Cutting people down is not building people up.
Off I go, I have the other half of my life to construct.
Transfeminism, Radical Feminism and Me
3 years ago